Bryan Knoebel - Lead Vocals, Guitar
Donovan Welsh - Bass
Dylan Martinez - Lead Vocals
Schuyler "Broken" Ankele - Lead Guitar
Wade Brewer - Drums

Unless you meet a band in a quiet coffee shop or at their pad, interviews typically take place in a noisy club with a lot of distractions. This was the case when I got a chance to talk to D.O.R.K. before they played the Soiled Dove in Denver. It was a busy night on the rooftop area due to the warm air and Spring Fever. So we just tried to make the best of it.

D.O.R.K. has been together about year. And during these months, they've been honing their instrumental craft, and crafting music as a team. But in that year, they've written, mastered, and completed their debut full-length, "One Up," have an entertainment lawyer, a publicist, a "Nerd Herd" street team, and booked their first tour that includes a gig at the infamous Coconut Teaszer in Los Angeles.

They also have an interesting mix in personalities and professions, ranging from sports franchise sales person to award winning body builder, a self-proclaimed video game professional to a Red Rocks Community College student with a minor in Possession of something beside Tylenol.

Donovan (says with a smirk): I'm a Libra and kinda an asshole. I don't like snowboarding or anything cold. But I do like to lift weights…according to Bryan.

KB: Hmm. Well, your lyrics have very cynical and biting edge to them in terms of relationships and women. Who played a part in those writings?

Donovan: It was me, Bryan and Dylan.

KB: Were there any woman in particular that fired up those words of frustration?

Donavon: Basically any woman I ever talked to fired me up. It depends on who I was dating at the time.

Bryan: It depends on who I wasn't dating at the time.

Dylan bashfully takes his turn at the mic.

Dylan: I'm an Aquarius. I was in band in junior high and high school. I was an alter boy as well.

KB: What religion?

Dylan: Bad Religion.

The next part of the conversation would be an omen to the performance later that evening, but not something that the band runs into that often.

KB: You seem pretty shy. How do you handle that as the lead singer? Do you get stressed before the show?

Dylan: No, not really. I used to though.

KB: Speaking of vocals, "This Time" really reflects a heavy Ramone's influence. Bryan, you say lead on that?

Bryan: Yea, that one sounds like I'm about to puke (singing the words and imitating himself).

KB: Well, that wouldn't be far from the truth. But it's done in a good way. Puking you can rock out to. You have some clichés flying around the lyrical theme of the "One Up," such as "Rock Out With Your Cock Out" and "If I Didn't Have Bad Luck I'd Have No Luck At All." What inspired you to take this tongue and cheek approach? Or is it meant to be serious?

Donovan: It's just this thing we have for 80's metal.

KB: Did you have a mullet back then?

Donovan: I did!

KB: You need to put a picture of that on your next CD.

Donovan: My older brother had a huge mullet. That's him (pointing towards his bro who was there to support him this evening). So I wanted to be him, listening to all the same bands as he was like Motley Crue, Poison, and Cinderella.

KB: All these 80's bands are touring again, with the exception of Motley Crue. Are you going to see them when they come into town?

Donovan: I've seen Poison eight times. The shows are always the same. They just switch off with the song they close with - "Nothing But a Good Time" or "Talk Dirty to Me." Other than that, it's just the same damn show. So the answer is no.

Wade was up next to the plate.

Wade: I'm also a Libra. Is that bad? I can't really describe myself. What do you guys think? (When the guys just laugh, he continues.) I don't know. I like dinner and a movie. My idol is Tommy Lee.

KB: What do you think of his new stuff?

Wade: I've only heard that one [single]. It's cool. Better than the Methods of Mayhem. I hated that.

KB: Any sports? Like to snowboard?

Wade: No, not really. I like to skateboard. I guess that's a sport.

KB: You guys are from Colorado. What's going on?

Donovan: I really don't like the cold or the outdoors.

Bryan: I can't afford it.

Baby-face Schuyler, a 21st Century punk rock Leave it to Beaver, is the only one to have the old, "ball and chain" out of the group.

Schuyler: Yes, I have had a girlfriend for over a year. She's a good girl.

Bryan: She tolerates HIM.

Schuyler: She's a good egg.

Good egg? I hadn't heard that one since a family reunion in Nebraska back in '87. Man, he is Leave it to Beaver.

Bryan: She's NOT happy about the tour though.

KB: Well, that's just part of being with a guy in a band though. It's all part of the game. So your sign?

Schuyler: Scorpio. Maybe that's why I'm such a creep.

KB: Extracurricular activities?

Schuyler: I break stuff. I'm a clumsy person by nature. Last week when we played a show I broke my amp. And last night it was water balloons in the house. I don't have a lot of ambitions. I play a lot of video games and play in the band. That's about it.

KB: So you've only been playing guitar for a year. How did that get started?

Schuyler: My dad, who is the only one that's supported me in this whole thing. Recently I had a guitar stolen at a show. Somebody just walked away with it. And he replaced it with an 80's Flying V.

Now it was Bryan's turn. And how he described himself was far from accurate if you had skipped the interview and just seen him on stage. The guy should have had a two drink minimum with a "please tip your waitresses" thrown in.

Bryan: I'm a Pisces, and probably the most boring person in the band. I spend a lot of time at home, kind of a recluse. I have a dog though. But I bet I die first out of all you guys (pointing in earnest to every one of them). There will be an irony to how I lived my life compared to yours. I'll get hit by a train or something.

After the laughter subsides we actually make it onto more music related topics.

KB: So the tour in June includes a gig at the Coconut Teaszer, which is a coup considering you guys haven't really toured before. Is this the first one you've done outside of Colorado?

Donovan: We have a showcase at the Coconut Teaser on July 5th, which was put together by our representation, LaPolt Law, who also represents a number of other artists, including 2Pac. It's some major labels they've been talking to that are coming to the showcase. Yea, they've got some pretty big names, like D.O.R.K. Just kidding.

KB: How has it been, putting the rest of tour together?

Donovan: It's been kind of rough. One of the promoters I talked to in L.A. said 'The way it works out here is - you can't book a gig unless you have a following. To get a following, you have to have some gigs. It's pretty gnarly out here. I myself won't stab you in the back. I'll stab you in the face. I'm just telling ya how it is.' So Schuyler asked him why there had to be any stabbing at all. It's a Catch22.

KB: It is pretty rough there since there are so many bands. A lot of bands move to L.A. thinking that's the only place to be to get a following and get signed. But it's like being a needle in a haystack. You're all vying for the attention of one population that is extremely finicky, particular, and is used to being able to see amazing talent on any given night, big stars to unknowns. Through the large number of the bands that are on the covers of magazines and have their videos running on muchmusic or MTV, it's obvious that you don't have to relocate to L.A. to make it. You just have to work your ass off, which I believe you guys are prepared to do.

Donovan: We're excited to go there and play. We wouldn't want to live there though. We're going to be going through all of California, then up to Salt Lake City, Nevada, Phoenix, Arizona, Emo's in Austin, and Oklahoma.

KB: What recent show has been your favorite?

Donovan: One of the scariest shows was playing with this all female band called Snatch. The drummer, she was just big, man. They could have fucked up every one of us.

Bryan: We were telling them, "You guys are good!" and they said, "We haven't played yet." I said, "I know. I can just tell," then quickly walked away.

KB: So for the encore for one of your shows, you should end with "Rock Out with Your Cock Out," in an arena rock type fashion, doing a Cher outfit change back stage but into some acid washed jeans and mullet wigs.

Donovan: I don't think we're that creative…yet.

Bryan: We'll probably be a much better band by the end of the tour by getting to play solid for a number of weeks.

KB: Are you introducing any new material other than what you have on the CD?

Bryan: There's one song that's new called "Take Me There."

KB: What's it about?

Bryan: About girls mostly.

KB: There's a new topic. Is it a 'girls suck' or 'girls rock' type of theme?

Bryan: Not either really. It has to do with communication problems more than anything.

KB: What do you mean? I don't understand.

The conversation ended with in an insight to their creative formula. So - how did they work together?

Donovan: Someone will come to the table with a song they did on their own, with lyrics and a melody. Then we evolve it from there.

Bryan: It's sometimes frustrating trying to do something with everyone at the same time. Everyone's trying to throw in ideas and it gets kind of messy. But usually, it turns out that those are our best songs.

DORK's new pimp wagon dubbed "The Silver Bullet" has taken them out on the road for a few weeks in June and July, where they will pop their touring cherry in towns and crowds across these United States. This night, the Denver crowd at Soiled Dove was pretty supportive. Except for the drunken chick in a white jean skirt, trying to get it on with "her man," most everyone was pretty attentive and some even sang along to the words.

On stage, something just wasn't jiving with Dylan, who seemed like someone had stuck some itching powder in his shorts, making him very uncomfortable. He seemed to be whispering into the mic instead of taking a raging, puck rock attack, to the point where I thought the sound guy had fallen asleep at the board. Bryan was throwing down funny lines in between each song, keeping the crowd entertained and jabbing Tyler with a few verbal shots as well. "Say 'Hi' Dylan."

Dylan responds with a quite, "Hi."

Bryan exclaims in a Circus Ring bellow, "See folks. He CAN talk!"

But a few nights later at Herman's Hideaway, Dylan sung like a vocalist veteran, sans the stage frights from the week before. Chalk it all up to the growing pains of a musical group, evolving individually and as a team. For only being together a year, these guys have made it way beyond the garage and are putting themselves out on stage and on the road, paying their dues to grow their fan base and a buzz. The show that night overall was spiked with punch and vigor, with a huge dash of melodies and sparkling lyrical themes. D.O.R.K.'s sound goes down smooth, quenching your thirst for head-bopping pop punk.

To get a hold of "One Up," go to their web site www.wearedork.com. At the site, you'll also be able to see how they're surviving their road to fame via their tour diary, which includes encounters of the hot chick kind in Utah (would have never guessed that one), maneuvering a tour van in the streets of San Francisco, and dealing with drunken bar owners, like the one in Reno who "did not pay us because he was blasted and drove home."

And if you're wondering what D.O.R.K. stands for they'll tell you, they don't know.

Donovan: We've actually left that up to our fans. We're asking them to name the band for us by emailing us ideas of what it should stand for.

One of the funniest tid bits on the site is the compiled list (that I'm sure is growing continually) of Schuyler's mishaps during the tour, which includes pulling down curtains and rod in Salt Lake City where he tripped coming in the motel room and grabbed the closest thing to break his fall; breaking strings at every show; nearly destroying an entire table at a Chili's in Reno; and spilling a drink on Corey's laptop, turning it into an electrical hazard. One can only imagine what else will happen during the next five weeks of their travels.

Makes you wonder. Screw the drugs and chicks (figuratively speaking of course), with Schuyler's repair bills, how do they afford their rock n' roll lifestyle?

-Kim Owens, kim@kaffeinebuzz.com

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